Maybe it’s not you…Maybe it’s them

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”

This rings true on so many levels.  First, you cannot diagnose yourself with a mental illness.  Second, if you start to notice something is not right with you emotionally, physically or behaviorally try not to focus solely on what you think is wrong with you.  Take into consideration what is going on in your surroundings i.e. people and daily/recurring situations .   More specifically, think about who is in your circle or what is going on in your circle and how your energy is affected.  This includes family and friends.  Most of us know that some people can be extremely toxic.  You can be affected emotionally and physically.  It is just like eating foods that are full of chemicals and release toxins into your system.   You realize they’re not good for your health and neither are toxic people.  You actually need a detox but let’s take baby steps and begin with learning how to recognize the signs.

Some tell tale signs of toxic people:

  • You feel drained or feel extremely uneasy when talking to them or in their presence
  • You find yourself having to change your persona whenever they are around or you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them
  • In conflict they are never wrong or accept responsibility for their wrongdoings.  You or everyone else is always at fault.
  • They only come around when they need something and only do something for you if it benefits them…Yes, they are pretty much users
  • They are mostly takers not givers
  • You catch them in lies multiple times
  • They are controlling
  • Manipulation and lying are their commonplace
  • Their treatment towards you changes according to different settings and different people

We can definitely add more to this list but you get the point.   Moral of the story is don’t be so quick to knock yourself before you rule out whether you just have a case of  the “toxic people”.   If anyone in your life fits at least three or more of these characteristics run for the hills and don’t look back.  No, seriously sometimes it’s not that easy.  So, let this just be a basis for you to think things over and re-evaluate.  Reality does not always allow us to just omit all toxic people from our lives but we can learn to tolerate them when necessary.   That’s when boundaries come into play.  It’s a part of survival and builds your resilience to the bull shit that life will continuously throw your way.

In some cases, removing toxic people from your life can lead to tremendous improvements in your ability to function behaviorally, emotionally, socially, and occupationally. You may be in a position where you thought that there was something wrong with you but in actuality it’s not really you. It’s them.

Peace and love,



Author: Angelica

Angelica is my name. I'm a licensed graduate social worker from the DMV who has love for everything mind, body, soul related. A devoted wife and mother whose interests include music, art, yoga, books, exercise, meditation, and cooking. Amanisoul is a synthesis of the name "Amani" which means harmony and peace in swahili and the word "soul" which means essence or spiritual self. Discovering one's inner peace involves being healthy mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I make it my mission to spread the word on how to achieve balance in all of these areas.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s